Ochi: JOURNAL

Ever have one of those days when you just didn't want to leave the house?  Well that day seems to come for me every Sunday.  It's not about being lazy in fact it's quite the opposite.  After doing so much all week I simply like being home and chilling out.  We need time to do absolutely nothing.  Anyone who has ever stayed home after a hectic week knows there is no such things as doing absolutely nothing.  Most of us clean, cook, iron, and repairs something.  We don't mind because it's our time to do for self.  So folks enjoy your wonderful Sunday.  I don't know about anyone else but I could use 2 Sundays so I can rest up on the second one.  

It's another day and I'm trying to make yet another dollar.  I have so much to be thankful for.  Today many of us celebrate the healthcare victory.  It is not President Obama's victory, he is just our employee, our front man.  This victory belongs to the American public, those of us who voted for him.  We finally have someone that we voted for who is actually doing the job we sent him to Washington to do.  Wow!  Just typing those words made me feel good.

It's time as American citizens we put some sound reasoning to this election.  Let's look at the healthcare issue.  Why is it called "Obamacare," the answer is simple; to keep hate mongers, republicans, white supremacist, and mindless followers focused on President Obama.  The powers that be want the American public to constantly see our president as the object of their hatred, whether it's the color of his skin, his political affiliation, or his unwillingness to continue screwing over American citizens. Hatred needs a face to focus on or it doesn't work.  People who hate need constant reminders because hatred is not "natural and therefore it fades quickly if not regularly fueled.  Unlike love and happiness which tend to replenish themselves naturally and create a wave on their own, hatred, prejudice, and narrow mindedness are beast that must be fed.  My proposal - let's starve the beast. lol Yes!  Let's not give in to anger, bitterness, hatred, selfishness, greed, envy, jealousy, or spite.  Wherever you see or hear these things be loud and be obvious when you remove yourself.  Let people know why you aren't staying around.  Then find yourself a happy place, with caring, considerate people who want to build positive structures that include everyone rather than towers that hold only a few.  That's it for me on this fine Houston day.  

Continue smiling and know that someone loves you and that person is you.  If you matter to no one else you matter to the most important person you know - you.
 

This past week I had to step out on faith and trust that things in my life will turn out well no matter how they may look right now.  Ok enough of the coded message. lol I am dealing with a messy woman where I work and I as always try to take a positive approach.  I talked to her and tried to work things out.  In the end I had to report her to human resources.  I'm not happy that I was put in that position but as I have told you don't allow yourself to be anyones victim.  If I lose my job then so be it.  I refuse to be silent out of fear of what "could" be.  I deal in reality not if's and maybes.  I don't assume I know the outcome or how others will react.  I do what's right and trust the university to take care of me.  I follow the chain of command as they say in the military.  First I looked in the mirror at myself to see my participation in case I needed to self correct.  Then I tried to objectively look at the situation from several different vantage points.  Next I asked someone else to look at it.  After that I spoke to my supervisor, then my co-worker, the person I was having the problem with, her supervisor and finally human resources.  

The lesson I've learned that brought me to this point was never ignore ignorance, never expect problems to go away on their own, no one will ever do more for you than you do for yourself, and finally everyone can't be helped.  A smile only goes so far.  Dignity, self-worth, and pride mean everything.  Don't ever compromise them.

There is truly madness all around and each one of us must  be careful not to allow others to suck us into their drama.  We have all met or heard of people who are attracted to drama, conflict, and mayhem.  Why are they like that?  Who the heck knows!  It's up to those of us who see ourselves as "change agents" to rally in order to combat these forces of pure evil.  How can we bring about change when there is so much chaos, lawlessness, and despair?  Well my friends the answer is more simply said than done as it is with many problems.  Yet does that mean we should succumb to fears or doubts?  Not even close.  No in fact we must "hunker down" as they say here in Texas, dig our heels in and prepare ourselves for the long drawn out battles of life. 

That being said here is how we prepare.  First surround yourself with other positive people and people of similar drive and passion.  Not necessarily people who are like minded in every way, that can be scary. lol Then, identify your cause or passion.  Make a plan of action such as for example.  If you are surrounded by people who gossip and pass on non-constructive, damaging information, make a plan ahead of time so that you are prepared when this situation arises again.  Note the keyword here, "AGAIN".  YES, when problems arise and we don't handle or learn from them they just keep coming back.  The best way to put things to rest is to deal with them.  If you don't know how or what to do as a friend, heck write to me and I'll give it a shout along with all the many people online here. We can all put our minds together to come up with a positive solution.  So!  When messy people come to you spreading malicious gossip you have my permission and encouragement to walk the heck off in their face! lol Yes!!!! Walk off and as you leave say loudly, "ok I can see this conversation is a waste of my time and I don't care to hear it."  If you know nothing else people who spread malicious gossip will talk about you too when you aren't around.  So don't be an audience.  What's the lesson I'm trying to help you see here is - prepare, prepare, prepare!

My issue this month involves all these racially charged court cases.  How do we deal with racism without getting wrapped up in a sea of political jargon?  For me the best way to combat racism is through education.  I am a walking, talking advertisement of hope, change, and black pride.  I am the best of all my ancestors.  I am the hope and dream of those enslaved.  I don't have to promote hate in order to over come.  Love really does conquer hate.  So love yourself, love your community, love your family, your country and your cause.  Love it then be willing to fight for it.  This memorial day we will remember those men and women who fought and gave their lives fighting for what - oil, land, precious minerals?  Our governments lie to us and say we are fighting for democracy, religious freedom, and all sorts of romantic notions that we later learn were "LIES".  Yes the people may need them but who have we ever liberated?  Huh?  I'm still waiting.  You can't think of anyone either.  When we leave they are usually worse off than when we first arrived.  

It's time we personalize our fights.  We don't need someone to tell us what's wrong with the world we already know.  Let's stop being lead and mislead.  If you know nothing else you know you have a government wherever you live that does little to nothing for the average person.  Our governments and religious organizations work for big business and big business works for themselves.  Yeah we have one or 2 people within the government that tries to help us but they are out numbered by crooks.  It's time to get the crooks out of office, out of our lives, and out of our wallets. It's time we educate ourselves so that we can be more effective.

Stop pointing our fingers at average people like us.  We are not the problem but the solution.  Stop letting government and religion control our minds, our actions, and telling us how to think.  I education through my actions and deeds.  Now as noble as all that sounds yes lawd, there are still those people out there who hate for the sake of hating.  I don't allow their ignorance to absorb me.  I don't give in to their negative beliefs of who I am.  I am not a hood rat, not a thief, not a child molester etc.  I define me and when they lash out with ignorance I look around because truly they are not referring to me.  I snatch their words, roll them up into a neat little ball and shoot hoops.  lol I have been called every thing.  Remember folks consider the source and see these hate mongers for who they are.

We know still some will go beyond words when they see they can't hurt us that way.  I'm not a Christian so I don't turn the other cheek.  My philosophy is - "You better bring some to get some".  I will do my best to meet, match, and best whatever aggression comes my way.  I am a mix of Malcom, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and Lorena Bobbitt.  We can't let people take our lives so easily.  Whether it's at the voting polls, in the streets, or in the media.  We must stand up for ourselves and say enough is enough!  Fight ignorance at every avenue.  We will be victorious!

I don't know how many people reading this have problems sleeping.  I struggle with it not because I have some sort of disorder but because I am a night person who lives in a world run by day people.  Many of us go misdiagnosed.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I don't have a problem.  Ok well I do it's just not one easily rectified.  For those of us who suffer because we operate with different hours here are some tips that have worked for me over the years.  Also, if you have any tips please share your successes so that you can help me or others reading this.

1.   Work the night shift.

2.   Own your own business and make your own hours

3.   Maximize internet usage, ie. online banking, orders, bill payments etc.  

4.   Get internet or work from home jobs.  

Now those are major things to do but smaller things that I found help are;

1.    Read before bed, it clears the mind from stressful thoughts.

2.    Limited intake of fluids and reduce trips to the bathroom

3.   Make a to-do list so that you won't have to worry about remembering things

4.   finish what you start and feel less stressed

5.  If you sleep better on the couch stay there. 

Well that's it for me.  Weigh in and share your tips.  Thanks family be well and sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite.

Wow just to think 3 months ago this time I was actively parenting an eighteen year old and planning how I would spend the rest of my life once she moved out and went to college.  Now that day has come and it's time to live my dreams and passions.  The time has come to put up or shut up.  

Unlike some people I've spent the last 5 years planning for this moment of my life.  Not because I didn't like being a mother, it was quite the contrary.  I loved parenting and felt is was one of the most important, emotionally fulfilling jobs of my life.  In fact I see parenting as a work of divinity not to be taken lightly because we are molding future parents, school teachers, ministers, correctional officers, heads of state, judges, small business owners, CEO's, scientist, and more.  We must insure these individuals are properly prepared to meet the task at hand.  Anyway, enough about parenting this is supposed to be about me now.

So I picked up 5, newly mastered, and completed singles this Wednesday 3/7/12, from my album Bare Essence which is 3 -  4 songs from being done and on the shelf.  I'm in the studio with the incredible DJ D of Htown.  Yes he is truly like a boulder rolling downhill.  That man has a wonderful creative energy that he enthusiastically brings to my project and I appreciate him.  I dropped my tracks off on Sunday and he said come pick them up tomorrow.  I love it!  An audio engineer with a reasonable timeline.  Just the idea that I can finally bring you great, affordable, music makes me giddy.  The album, "Bare Essence" is a culmination of my lesbian, feminist, African heritage, and my spirituality.  It's the sum of all my parts in action.  When you hear it I think you will agree Houston has been a great fit for me creatively.  I have been releasing taste of what's to come for your review but the first real single entitled "I Pledge" comes on Wednesday, 3/14/12.  Also, listen for it on "OutMusic" radio, Rainbow World, QueerVoices etc.  I will be debuting it on most if not all the glbt radio shows.  I know you will enjoy them.  Then 2nd single off that album, "Fairy Tales" comes out April 18, 2012.  I know you will like that one too.  So get ready to dance, talk and of course share this site and my sounds with your friends. I need you to help start a revolution of evolution in the war against inclusion. 

Until then later days family, later days. Oh yeah yes I will be performing later this year too so stay tuned.  

I don't know why but each and every year during this time I am so excited to end one chapter and begin the next. Partly I think it's because I truly appreciate my life and am glad to have made it to the next year with my health and mind in tact.  (I know some say the last line is debatable. lol) For those of us lucky enough to have love in your lives hold on to it.  Those of us trying to find love keep your eyes and hearts open, love is coming.  Until then celebrate with those who found it because joy is contagious. 

The year is rapidly coming to a close.  I can't speak for you but for me, this year passed so quickly.  It was filled with so many unexpected moments.  I still haven't caught my breath.  Just to recap, the year began with me facing extreme poverty, living with a with roommate, 4 dogs, and a child.  My car broke down and I didn't have enough money for my daughter and I to catch the bus for school and all appeared loss.  I didn't give up nor did I give in, instead I "hunkered down" as they say here in Houston.  I did what I could to  help myself.  (Notice the key words young people - "help myself") I was blessed, fortunate, or lucky to get a job, which lead to my getting a new car 30 days later, and eventually within 6 months I was once again independent, living in my own little 2 bedroom house.  It wasn't easy getting my life back on track.  I had to work 3 jobs just to make ends meet.  Ok the ends never really met but they did see each other on occasion at a distance.  I make this point for all the women out there and men too who think when life gets hard they need to open their legs.  Don't do it. Learn to look at yourself first, look inside not outside to others.  What can you do to help you - not who can you do?  It's not other peoples responsibility to finance us.  I'm glad I went through the last 4 years.

Why did all this happen to me?  Was it my karma getting back at me? Nope it was all about my children.  They had lessons to learn about survival, personal responsibility, dependency, faith, and self-determination.  This generation is all about self and entitlements.  They want but have no idea how to get except to either take or beg.  They lack patience and a desire to work for what they want.  I blame the adults which includes me.  We have allowed them to focus far too much on material gain.  We have mislead them in our measuring our own personal successes and failures by what we have, ie; cars, homes, furnishings, bank accounts,  and pretty people. We forgot about emotional fulfillment from having respect, dignity, family, community, and spiritual connectedness.  We gave them what many of us never had and withheld from them what we had that helped us survive.  Now many of our families are destroyed by greed, selfishness, too much isolation, a lack of education, poor moral compasses, and short sightedness.  Then we say as we give up, "this generation is loss" and we use that as our disclaimer and walk away.  I've been blessed this year with time and opportunity to think about my life, that of my children, and the direction society is heading.

I went to Tanzania this year.  Yes me the person with absolutely no money went to Africa with $40.00 in my pocket.  The trip was paid for through scholarships and grants.  I won't elaborate any further on my whirlwind of a year.  I just said all this to say when things look their darkest, when hope seems loss, don't give up, don't give in.  Maintain your faith, don't get lazy keep moving forward even if you only move 1 inch.  Forward progress is forward progress.  Don't give in to self doubt, don't believe that your problems are insurmountable.  Things change when we are active participants.  That's what I was blessed to teach my children and remind myself of. Dreams don't just "come true" we have to work at them.  

So have a Happy New Year and move forward into your power and have a great life.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.  Change or progress may take time and more energy than you realized, and that's okay because you are worth it.

OMG!  To say I traveled across several states to Malibu, California and had a good time would be an understatement.  I had a fantastic time.  I found my mojo, my ashe', my ying to my yang.  My spirit was reunited with the drum.  BLU is so many different things to so many people.  I found something inside of me that I didn't know was missing.  I believed that chapter of my life was over, that I was meant to move on.  In fact what it meant was that my relationship to the drum needed to change as did my associations around drumming.  With that I am reborn.

I was blessed to make new friends, connect with old friends, and work on my beloved film project - Code Switching 101, I Am Who I am.  No matter how many people I interview I am always guaranteed to get a fresh perspective. The ladies of BLU did not fail to deliver.   I hope more women attend BLU.  Retreats give one the opportunity to be away from home, away from distractions, and life.  It is our "ME" time.  There is nothing magical in that.  The reality is most of us don't have "ME" time but some think we do.  BLU allows us to be alone with like minded people, people in our age group, ethnic group, who are in various stages of their growth, and development.  That factor alone makes the experience seem like a miracle.  

I hope many more women will attend next year especially those women who previously attended when it was Sistahfest.  I hope those women will return and see the name has changed, our friends have gotten older, and Sistahfest now BLU has changed as a result of the experience but in a positive way.  Sometimes we need to be shaken up and thrown off our axis in order to fight for what we want and appreciate what we have.  They/we fought, we grew from in and we survived.  It's time to come back home ladies the long wait is over.

Well I'm beginning the final leg of this chapter/journey.  I'm by far not done.  I have so far to go and grow.  I enjoyed a trying year.  Yes I enjoyed it.  There's something about shining through conflict.  The icing on the cake was my trip to Tanzania.  That was truly a blessing that I almost missed.  Since I still have beyond limited funds a trip anywhere but especially overseas seemed a joke and completely out of the question.  You know my mantra.  I prayed about it, then set to work doing everything I could to make it happen leaving the impossible to my creator and ancestors.  Obviously my method worked because I just returned from a 21 day trip that included Dubai, Tanzania, and Zanzibar.  

Am I bragging? Heck no!!  This is a testimony to perseverance, dedication, faith, and patience.  I have learned in my 51 years the difference between selfishness and self-centered.  To be selfish is actually a good thing.  It means to take care of self.  To handing our person needs, to make sure we are the best we can be for ourselves and those who love and need us.  To be self centered is completely different.  It means to think only of self.  It is the opposite of being considerate.  It means others don't matter and your own person needs come often at the expense and well being of others.  So be selfish and not self-centered.  

Thank you for your prayers, positive thoughts and well wishes.  Also, thank you for your patronage.  When you support my music and my vision you support your own freedoms as well.  Each one of us is a stepping stone for another.  We are pavers on the path of success.  Have a great month.

Well it really happened.  I just returned from a 21 day trip overseas where I went to Dubai, Tanzania, and Zanzibar. I am still sitting in complete awe.  Is it just me?  Last year I was struggling and am still struggling (though I must admit my ancestors let me do so in style. lol That's the power of prayer folks.)  I went from no job to employed, no home of my own and staying with roommates proved to be hazardous to my spirit and it killed my dog.  I stayed the course with help from all of you, my family and faith.  (Faith based on actual evidence) Look what happened.  I was able to take a trip through my wonderful school Texas Southern University.    Yes, yes, you know the photos are coming and they videos too.  I have been one busy woman.  So stay tuned and thank you so much for all the prayers.  I truly needed that vacation after all the trials life put me through.  I/we here are praying for all of you out there.  You are not alone, you have friends and we care.  We don't have to know your name or your circumstances to send out positive energy and light for you.  Each day I pray for all those in need who read these blogs and are on my list.  

Have a beautiful day, week, month, and year.  Holla back when you can.

Wow!  It's July time is passing so quickly.  Soon It will be August and I'll be back in school full-time 24/7.  The funny thing is I say that like I'm not in school now. lol I am but summer school is a completely different animal. Everyone is more relaxed and I'm glad!  So since my last letter in June this is what I've experienced.

Incident #1 - This week I was cursed out twice by total strangers.  Please note the key word at the end of the sentence - strangers.  Let me tell you these folks were strange too.  It was not in person but on facebook.  You should have known right? lol Well anyway, I committed on a photo of a baby being held incorrectly (only the arms were visible and I thought they were my daughters arms. lol oooops).  Thinking I knew the person holding the baby I wrote and said that she needed to support the babies neck.  The infant was very young, too young to hold up his own head.  Well the mother and person actually holding the baby wrote back and cursed me out.  She wanted to know what business of mine was it and why was I even on her page.  In fact I wasn't on her page she was posted on my daughter's page.  

Incident #2 - The next situation was a blog posting that a person in my friends put up.  She wanted everyone to weigh in on a question.  Why do studs strap on and some wear their appendages 24/7?  Many women wrote in was various opinions.  I wrote in too and a woman took offense to what I said and cursed me out.  I began my reply with a joke.  Remember the commercial, "I've fallen and I can't get up"?  Well I said they strapped on and can't get'em off. lol I thought it was cute.  I went on to say, "do they think they are fooling anyone and I wonder if they try to pee from them."  After my silly jokes I became more serious and offered my personal thoughts on the matter, followed by information I've gained through my working on the documentary, and historical information into why and how role playing first began.  Obviously I hit a nerve for one woman because she replied to my post and said don't think you know me.  How dare I basically try to analyze her or think I even know her. lol What the heck!!!?????  She thought I was judging her.

So here's my thought for the month.  No I judge no one but I do question.  Yes I question everything and everybody.  If you think you can tell me something idiotic and I'm just supposed to sit back and shut up? Then you are solely mistaken.  I think we should all examine the language we use let's not judge but by all means let's question.  That's it for me today.  Have a great day, week, month.  lol You never know when I'll be back.  Hey life, it happens.

BTW, please pray for my mother she is ill.  Thanks family

Well it's the end of the month and as far as my parenting a high school teen, I'm officially done!  It feels so darn good to reach such a joyous milestone.  The prom went off without a hitch, the graduation was fantastic, we had a small intimate gathering of family, and the finale was her 18th birthday.  Life is good.

When we last spoke I was suffering through several real life issues; the government's attack on my finances for a debt I didn't owe, which led to homelessness, (I was forced to live with roommates), the threat of bankruptcy, and joblessness.  That was a very trying time in my/our lives but we managed to pull through with style and a smile.  I am very glad to say the entire mess enabled me to teach my daughter such valuable life lessons.  She learned the power of "we", how faith actually works (it should never be blind), and the need for self sufficiency.  I wouldn't change this past year for anything.  It was nothing but blessing after blessing in disguise.  It seemed that we were struggling and experiencing bad luck. NOT!  Losing our car, being forced to live with unkind roommates, and an empty bank account, and the death of our beloved dog.  These things were all blessings.  We learned what we are made of.  We were brought closer together.  The entire time I wanted to write this blog to remind everyone here that life is all about how we chose to see it.  Often if we slow down and cool off we learn that things are not as they appear.  My grandfather taught me that there is something good in everything one just has to look for it.  Most time we are too busy feeling sorry for ourselves, we are too wrapped up in anger, or self doubt to find the true meaning.

Now it's time for me to begin the steady process of really building my career.  I'm still a mother with responsibilities but in some ways they are very limited.  She's not a baby, she's a mature young lady.  Not an adult not completely ready for life yet.  Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you are ready to continue this journey on the road of success.  It's been a great ride so far.

Hello,

Just a quick note.  I've uploaded a new track in time for pride.  Happy Pride everyone.  I'm still working but as I've said before this year is about my daughter who just had her prom and yes she was gorgeous.  Once she graduates and gets into school it's all about my work.  You will love the new track.  Ya'll get a dance in for me too.

It's a New Year and I hoped things would be different but clearly that was a pipe dream.  There are over 300 days left so I'm optimistic but for real friends I'm getting my butt kicked.  Between life and the federal government 2011 didn't start so nice for me.  Ok just a bit about what I've been going through.

What idiot or should I say slick jerk had the bright idea to use credit scores to determine employment worthiness?  This is the latest in scams designed to derail the American public.  It's not fair, not good business, and is nothing more than "economic profiling", a new form of racial profiling, and the latest method of destroying the family.  This is no accident, it's a deliberate capitalist plot!  Think I'm wrong?  Look around it's the perfect plan because credit effects everyone regardless of gender, age, ethnicity, religion, or political affiliation.  People who once believed they were out of harms reach are now finding themselves slaves to the dollar like all the rest of us.  They too are nothing more than numbers, dollars, and cents.  

I was a full-time student posed to graduate and finally get my long overdue degree and continue with my career and plans to reinvent myself when suddenly!  I've been accused of defaulting on a student loan to a school I never attended.  This school in Colorado RMCAD illegally took funds in my name even though I was not a student.  Now the task to prove I was never a student is completely on me.  They don't have to do anything but stay quiet and they get to wrongfully keep the funds and be unjustly enriched.  How screwed up is that?  Will they every be prosecuted? NO!  The government is  taking me the innocent victim through the ringer.  I've been terminated from my job, can't get other jobs because of credit and the wrongful default.  I'm battling the potential possibility of homelessness, depression, and buying a trench coat.  

What's wrong with us Americans?  We allow so much blatant government and corporate wrong doing go unchecked but scream to high heaven over football coaches we think need to be fired because they didn't produce a winning season.  What about our local and federal government?  What about 8 years of Bush's failed presidential tenancy?  Then the democrats & republicans have failed us for years and what do we do? Absolutely nothing.  Well most of us do nothing.  Some people like them or not formed the "Tea Party".  Called them ignorant, misguided, or political vandals but at least they are taking matters into their own hands.  WE need to stop waiting until we are victims to become vocal and mobile because by then it's far too late!

Anyway, I won't be graduating this semester, I had to put my dog to sleep, I just bought a new car then lost my job, my mother is ill, and I am facing homelessness and a nervous breakdown.  Ok wait I'm not facing a nervous breakdown.  I was being dramatic but it could and would've happened if I didn't have a strong spiritual connection.  Even still how much is one person supposed to take?  Enough is enough!  

Ok that was me venting and keeping you up to date with my life.  Believe it or not I'm in surprisingly good spirits, my health is good, and I am filled with contempt for the federal government but hope for my future.  How? lol Shh that's my secret and it doesn't involve liquids, rocks, powder, or a bump on the head. lol Well family thanks for listening.  I hope your year has begun better than mine.  Just because it's started poorly doesn't mean it will end the same. Hugs & kisses keep me in your thoughts, prayers and meditations and I will keep you all in mine.

Ochi

Today I received so many text messages, emails, tweets, and voice mails wishing me a happy thanksgiving day. That seems so nice until it's put into perspective. There are 364 other days of the year and not many people if anyone sent me an, "I'm glad to have you in my life," message or any daily thanks until now.  Is this the only time we think about our blessing?  I hope not.  I am thankful each and everyday of my life.  I say so each day to the people who see me or talk to me over the phone.  I never let the sun go down without me saying and showing my gratitude over being here another day.  

As for this day well I can't get excited over a holiday that commemorates the slaughter of millions of indigenous people.  I'm not thankful for the white supremacist, capitalist celebration this day officially represents.

Well it's several weeks later and life is still doing to me what it does.  I take my punches like everyone else and I keep on truckin' as we used to say back in the late 70's early 80's.  The government still thinks I'm in default so, I'm in limbo as far as school is concerned.  I found a job hopefully but don't hold your breath.  I am still smiling and obviously life if good because I haven't lost one pound and that's weird especially since I'm a vegan. lol Then again I've never seen a skinny rabbit, sheep, or cow and they all eat vegetables. lol What the heck was I thinking.  Guess they breast aren't going anywhere this year either. lolol  It's a good think i like having them around.

I really like my video projects they are keeping me motivated and hopefully preparing me for grad school yes I've decided to attend.  Now to decide where I shall go next.  Who knows perhaps I shall turn up in your backyard.  Maybe I shall fall in love and move close to my sweetheart.  NOT!  I'm too broke and far too busy for a sweetheart. Besides, do they make those anymore - sweetheart? lol Good night family and my the creator bless you all.

Well hopefully this will be my last semester.  I hope to graduate in December with a BA in Communications.  Notice I said "hope".  Right about now it's a crap shoot.  The Department of Education thinks I am in default from something in 1985 and 1991.  1981 is not my account and the '91 was dropped and I never attended classes.  The school never returned the funds.  The short, my life is being held up for some silly mess at the 11th hour.  

I could choose to be negative and look at this entire situation as life picking on me or I could and do choose to see this as an opportunity to do other things in meantime such as; work even harder on music, script writing, workout, find a job and well you get the picture.  It's just not worth my time to worry about things I cannot change.  For me it's all about being proactive and doing what I can to help me.  I don't want to fall into a state of depression, become ill, or just be down about something I personally have nothing to do with and no matter what can't change.  I have to trust the universe that other people will do their jobs and I have to do my part.  I have made all the necessary calls, sent out every email, snail mail, and done any and everything possible.  Now I'm moving on to other things that I need to do in my life.  So often when problems strike we get bogged down and become so absorbed that other things fall by the away side. Then we have even more problems to contend with because we let so much go.  I don't know about you but I  hate being overwhelmed.

If you've been following my career and my blogs then you know I am working on a documentary about gender identity and role playing.  It's entitle, "Code Switching 101"  It's a 3 part series the first being, "I Am Who I Am." That's where each person interviewed self identifies and tells briefly a bit about their life and how they came to their decision. Phase 2 is a panel discussion involving both butch and fems.  Phase 3 well that's still a secrete so stay tuned.  

Well thanks for dropping by.  Feel free to leave comments and let me know how you are and what's going on in your life.  Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and I will do the same for you.  Till next our text cross. 

Helllllo,

Well I've been busy with summer school but also 3 new videos in the works for both older and new songs.  It's taking so long because I have to round up women.  Yeah, that is fun but also frustrating.  You know I'm picky.  I want to find all the right people, with just the right look that represents my mindset.  I finally got my first video released and I hope everyone is watching and loving it.  I can't stay here long today, I have test and homework coming out of every hole in my body.  I have so many good songs just waiting to be heard.  I'm having a ball and so will you.  There's a new line dance with video and some dance cuts to get crunk to.

Stay tuned for more coming very soon.  I hope you like it and continue to come by.  Also, keep buying this is the only way I can keep churning out what you like.  This is my employment.  I keep it affordable to help us both.

Today I woke up to the loveliest of days.  I was sleepy, (just didn't get enough) I went to school and had and even better day.  I'm not rich, my house is still in foreclosure, and I'm happy.  I am single but I'm not lonely.  I like my own company.  Does that mean I want to be single for life? NO!  We all need to learn to appreciate self and time alone.  It's important and it's not a bad thing.  If more people learned to relish their own company perhaps there would be fewer heartbreaks.  Not because we don't get into relationships but because we are more cautious.  We would be more patient and much more discriminating.  

Far too many people feel desperate and just jump into anything even when they know it's the wrong thing to do. So family enjoy your time, feel good about being alone. Find comfort in other interest and channel that sexual energy.  Dance, write, go to the gym, create and reinvent your life.  Corporations change mid-stream when things don't work for them all the time.  Why can't people do the same thing?  Imagine yourself to be a product that isn't selling or at least not selling very well.  What do they do in the business world?  They repackage the product, (change your hair, style, get a style etc.) they change the product name (Kentucky Fried Chicken - KFC), they add more to the menu, (get a hobby and become more interesting), they do market research to see what works and what doesn't (don't ask people who lie to you), and finally they fake it until they make it.  Yeah that's the big one.  They lie until we consumers believe that mess and buy into it. lol So believe you are fabulous, behave in a fabulous manner, associate with people who think you are fabulous, and you will become fabulous.  Don't be fake, pretentious, or and idiot.  Don't be caught up in materialism, greed, or shallow. That's not fabulous.  Be spiritual, intelligent, fun loving, kind hearted, considerate, and free thinking.  That is fabulous. 

Well it just doesn't seem to ever stop.  I must have a "kick me" sign on my back.  If this wasn't so darn annoying it would be funny.  Ok it still is funny.  I can't do anything but laugh these days.  Just when I manage to get over one hurdle another pops up.  I think I have chosen the wrong career.  I should make infomericals on how to over come challenges with a smile and plenty of style.  This is so frustrating.  

Ok, over the last few months I have survived family problems, a health scare, poverty, academic derailment, a career slow down, and now this my landlord let his house go into foreclosure!  What the heck!  That was after the ceiling caved in because the water heater feel through it. lol Come on it's funny and you know it!  Who could be stressed?  It's too much, too close together, to take life seriously.  So send me positive energy, pray for me, and keep buy the music, I most definitely appreciate the support.  Though it seems bad and yes it is, I am fine.  My spirits aren't down.  I know that things will work out as always in my favor.  My crying and whining won't make a difference.  It only makes me stronger and a heck of a lot more determined.  I will survive and I will be successful and happy.  Thanks to all of you and your prayers and well wishes.

Well, first I can't believe it's been since February since my last letter.  That's not even right!  I swore I've been keeping up with my blogging or whatever this is.  Ok now that I've looked over things guess what.  I have certainly not been writing.  I've really had a bad semester.  I've suffered from family related drama, zealous teachers, lazy teachers, and fellow students that just don't care. Everything has been an uphill struggle and yet I have been blessed at every turn to not just make it through but to also do so in style, with a smile on my face.  I said it before and I will say it again.  Things are often not as they appear.  Things may appear bad but in fact be very good.  So yes I'm glad I have lived without, I'm glad I've been broke, had not electricity at times, no gas, and so much more. From my stresses have come new insights, lyrics, and inner strength.  When there was nothing for me to learn my children have benefited greatly.  Kids need to experience poverty to learn resilience, creativity, and appreciation.  This generation is so ungrateful and has a serious sense of entitlement. I don't need to tell you all that and that's not why I am here.

I have done it!  Today I am uploading my first 2 songs of the album.  I hope you like them.  I really enjoyed making them.  I tried to leave it all on the studio floor.  So please listen, buy, and refer your friends.  I need the funds to complete the entire album. lol  Well, I'm off to do my thing love you all.

Ochi

Well Hey Folks,

Wow I'm impressed with me, I'm back and it's the next month rather than several months later.  That's not bad eh?  Well as I type my head is nodding like a basketball and oh man can I dribble! lol I'm tired but I am determined to keep up with my emails, vblogs, and updates.  This is a relationship and for those of you who know me or have spoken to me, you know I value all relationships.  A good relationship is a two way street where everyone puts in according to their ability.  That being said I have to write to you no matter what. So here's the no matter what part. lol

You know they say if some people didn't have bad luck they'd have no luck at all.  lol Well I'm glad I don't believe in luck or this would certainly apply to me.  As if I need one more catastrophy in my life my kitchen and living room ceiling caved in. Yes! Hit the daggum floor! My water heater is in the attic and it was leaking - old rusty, past it's prime.  I informed the landlord long before it came to this but he ignored it and I refused to go into the attic.  It is cramped, might contain large critters, and filled with nails from the shingles that would end up stabbing me in the back.  So I deferred to my gender on this one and allowed him to play his role of "landlord and man". lol Great timing huh?  You bet!  Well He's slowly but surely getting it done.  I was out of water 24 hrs, no hot water 48 hrs, and no ceiling 5 days.  I confined my aid to clean up and I'm not shamed to tell it.  Sometimes it's important to know when "to do" and when "not to do".  This was a not moment. lol  

I'm in the studio and loving every minute accept I'm allergic to cats and the engineer owns several.  :o(   You will love what I've been working on.  Cindy of Smiley Face Recording has done a fantastic job, and so has G1 from New Ground Collabo.  I love working with other women.  I look forward to working one day with the likes of Tracy Chapman, Sweet Honey, Toshi Reagon, Doria Roberts, and many more.  They are all fantastic women and I really respect their work.  

Well that's it for me family.  I'm beyond sleepy.  I know I should proof this but seriously, I'm too tired.  So please forgive any errors and I will fix them later.  I'll post the videos as soon as I finish my class projects.  I'm home schooling my youngest (16 - 11th grade) and that has added to my already stretched load.

Keep me in your prayers, thoughts, and dreams and I shall do the same.  I know it's because of all of you that I stay encouraged and am able to do what I do.  Thanks so much.

the new year is here,

the new year is here

whether lesbian, gay, 

questioning or queer

2010 is definitely

our year!

come out, stay out

 hang out

don't bug out

new music is coming

new songs for my friends

i've been writing and 

fighting, i refuse to give in

the missions beyond me

plus ya'll kick my butt

you'll love all the tunes

every line, every cut

you'll dance, you'll laugh

you'll party without end

so a little more patience

i ask now from you

you know how life is

it'll do what it do

so on dancers,

fly prancers, 

my name ain't saint nick

i'm no easter bunny,

nope no leprechaun tricks

i'm ochi

just me

so thanks for your patience

your waits not in vain

you'll be glad you hung in

now go tell all your friends

ochi is coming 

in 2010